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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28653381">Devotion to the Moon</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/toothfairy444/pseuds/toothfairy444'>toothfairy444</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aged-Up Character(s), Anxiety Attacks, Best Friends, Canon Compliant, Childhood Friends, Established Relationship, First Love, Fluff and Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Not Beta Read, Pining, Plot, Stream of Consciousness, Unrequited Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 14:07:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,109</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28653381</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/toothfairy444/pseuds/toothfairy444</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The line between codependency and love is thin. Tadashi and Kei just don’t  know the difference.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Creaky floors</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this work is based of the song “PUPPET” by tyler the creator. the title is also inspired bye @ yujaemii on tiktok.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Chance ball!" </p><p>He heard Kageyama call before he saw the ball flying. </p><p>He observed from the sidelines as the play unfolded. This is what he lived for. The blinding LED lights shining on everyone's heads. The striped laminated floor, the glossy exterior long been scratched up. The loud background noise that was drowned out by the intense moment. It felt like his team and the opposing team were the only people there. It felt exhilarating. </p><p>Long gone were moments of Tadashi's first year. Graduation approached faster then he was willing to comprehend. He was not delusional enough to think that him and Kei would end up together in college. Some people did, and their relationships blossomed. But he felt in their case, it would have quite the opposite effect. </p><p>_______________</p><p>Kei left the gym leisurely, Tadashi following behind. Beginning a routine that they had adopted years before, and kept on with. They always  stopped at Shimada Mart. Secretly he hated coming here, it was unnecessary time added to their<br/>
stroll. He chased after Tsuki anyways. </p><p>The Konpeitō that Tsuki would always buy him made his teeth hurt. He'd long outgrown the taste for the sickly sweet candy, but he continued to eat it anyways. It was Kei's way of showing him he cared, and who was his to discount it. It however did pose the question, where was the line that split his inner self with the made up version in Tsukishima's head. Had he noticed that Tadashi wasn't the same sweet boy being bullied on the playground. Maybe he had but just failed to mention it. </p><p> </p><p>Tsukishima ate dinner at Tadashi's home almost every day of the week. It had been this way for years and it would probably continue to be like this. Not that he minded, something about the domestic feel of cooking dinner together set his cheeks aflame. </p><p>They spent the rest of the walk shuffling their feet and discussing the day's events. A few light-hearted shoves and giggles. It was a comfortable routine that Tadashi relied on for peace of mind. Just as they were approaching where the road split off into separate paths Tsukishima suddenly stopped beside him.</p><p>"Tsuki?" He questioned. </p><p>"I'm going home tonight for dinner." His expression gave Tadashi no insight into what he was thinking.</p><p>"I'll text you later." Tadashi had plenty of questions but he held his tongue. </p><p>Kei promptly turned the opposite direction, his long legs carrying him away fast. His words left Tadashi shaken. He wasn't upset that he wasn't coming over, okay he was a tad upset, it's just that this had never happened before. They'd always ate together, that was just a fact. Tsukishima's departure left with him with an eerie feeling in his chest. He didn’t like the change. The rest of the walk home was in silence, the air around him felt heavy. </p><p>He hadn't noticed the cold air nipping at his face until there weren't any other distractions. Now Tadashi could feel his whole face burning, his nose and cheeks probably a rosy color. </p><p>________________</p><p>He opened the front door with a key that was left under the mat. The rusted thing had been kept in the same place for years. Clicking on all the lights, he stood there for a second. A note was left taped to the refrigerator, the yellowing paper curled. It Turns out his mother would be home late, so dinner was on him. </p><p>He didn't feel like making dinner, but his mom had to eat after a long day. The house felt draining. He could hear every loose board creak. At times like this he wished his only siblings weren't years older then him and long since moved out. He’d always wished to be like them. His sister were inherently beautiful with confident auras that filled up the whole room. That wasn’t a realistic wish though. </p><p>He decided that maybe sticking with his dinner routine would take some of his uneasiness away. That if he stuck to what he normally did he wouldn't feel so off. </p><p>With that being said -or rather thought- he began removing things from his cupboards. </p><p>Usually Tsuki was there to help him grab the delicate dishes from the space above the fridge. He wasn't though, so he had to adapt. He pulled up an old wobbly chair that should've probably been replaced years ago. Balancing on one foot he stretched his arm up and clasped the detailed glass bowl. Pushing back on both feet he felt himself tumbling backwards, but he wasn't quick enough to catch himself. </p><p> </p><p>His mother's favorite glass bowl layed haphazardly in pieces on the floor. He couldn't help that think, if Tsukishima had been there that wouldn't have happened. He had to avoid stepping on it to sweep it up, the blood from the puncture would be an added hassle to clean. He felt like crying, but he didn’t. It would’ve been pathetic of him to cry over something so trivial. To him this was a sign, he should've just gone to his room. </p><p>Tadashi was and overthinker. He thought about what he did and how it would affect him, how it would affect Tsuki, how it would affect his mom, and how that would affect her job and their daily income. He thought about his future and everyone else futures. And it almost always ended up with him facing the ceiling worrying about every move he made. </p><p>This was one of those instances. Tadashi felt like his whole routine was wrong. He walked around the whole day with a heavy chest, his anxiety building up having to be around so many people. Then he came home and the feeling was flooded out after he spent time with only Tsuki. That hadn’t happened today, it had been disrupted. And he couldn't handle change. This wasn't the straw that broke the camels back persay, but he felt like this was the beginning of a quick plummet downwards. </p><p>He went to bed that night feeling a sense of emptiness. The night had been devoid of its usual warmth and quiet laughs. 

He wished that he hadn't gone to sleep hungry. He wished that he had made his mother something to eat because now he felt like a bad son.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Cracked pavement</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It was such a nice day, and such a nice moment. And god forbid that Tadashi thought, even for a second, that maybe he could stay like this forever. Just maybe he could stay by Kei's side. </p><p>It was again an unrealistic want, but god he wanted it so bad.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>sorry it took me so long to update, i just got lazy T_T</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's not as if Kei knew what troubled him. </p><p>Sure, if Tadashi felt the dam was too close to rupturing he'd poke a tiny hole in it and let some of the contents leak out. Which of course was a metaphorical way of saying he wasn't so good at letting his feelings out. </p><p>He'd mention trivial things that made him feel so unnecessarily off to Kei. He'd vent but in an unconventional way. </p><p>However Tadashi knew that Kei didn't particularly care, or that's atleast what he portrayed. He wasn't a very emotional guy, and that was okay. It was like talking to a brick wall, but without that brickwall to cling to Tadashi was sure he'd have been lost already. </p><p>He pulled back the blinds in his room. The sun seeping in hadn't given him as much of a positive feeling as he'd hoped it would. He heard the old wood floors downstairs creaking. </p><p>His mother looked as exhausted as always, deep bags encircling her eyes. </p><p>"I thought I'd left you a note to make dinner." </p><p>"I didn't see one, sorry." He felt horrible lying so blatantly to her. But somehow that was better then accepting that he was a selfish son. </p><p>"Oh silly me, getting a bit old I must've forgotten." Her eyes didn't crease. The smile wasn't a genuine one. </p><p>She was far from old, barely forty, but white hairs were already sprouting. Tadashi doesn't remember when their relationship became like this, a jumble of reassuring lies and tired glances. What he did know was that the walls suddenly felt suffocating. So he padded up the narrow staircase, and threw on hoodie he pulled off his door handle. </p><p>He had to get away. </p><p>__________</p><p>He'd ridden about an hour, over cracked cement. It would've been much quicker driving, he didn't have a license. There wasn't a particular reason why he just didn't. And he didn't have the urge to go out and take the test any time soon. </p><p>He knocked on Kei's front door hesitantly. This was different then usual. Usually they met up halfway at the market, he'd never really came to his house. Routine is what kept them tied together like a noose. Move too far and it was sure to bind too tight, and surly it would kill him. Well that's a horrific way to put it but an accurate depiction. </p><p>He opened the door, the same taut expression as always. </p><p>A rush of air left Tadashi's lips as he sighed, relieved. For some reason he'd expected him to look different. </p><p>He didn't though, just slightly disheveled. </p><p>"What are you doing here?" He didn't seem angry just confused.</p><p>"Wanna ride to the park?"</p><p>In retrospect it was quite an odd question. They hadn't done anything similar to this since they were eight. But here Tadashi was, fiddling with his handles while Kei received his bike from the garage. </p><p>They rode through the park, chasing the sun. Tadashi felt the wind whip through his hair, obstructing his view only for a moment. Early morning dew dampened the grass. Kei was much faster, but It didn't worry Tadashi. He was enjoying the warm air and the silence of the moment. </p><p>This is what, for a time, he thought he had wanted. A peaceful, quite life. He had learned though that silence became lonely, and getting too comfortable in routine left one feeling unaccomplished. Tadashi often felt like he wasted all of his teenage years, sitting at home alone. He planned to change his ways of sticking to a routine in college, to break out of his shell. </p><p>It was too late to change things right now though. So wallowing would do no good.</p><p>Unbeknownst to him Kei had stopped in the middle of the path, causing Tadashi to crash into the back of him. It knocked the wind of of him, it made all of his limbs burn with the tingle of pain. All he could do was fall flat against the concrete and laugh. </p><p>He laughed so hard he was out of breath, his ribs aching. Sooner or later Kei joined in, opting to shift closer to the grass. Tadashi followed pushing one one arm up behind his head. They layed there for a while, playing with the blades of grass. </p><p>It was such a nice day, and such a nice moment. And god forbid that Tadashi thought, even for a second, that maybe he could stay like this forever. Just maybe he could stay by Kei's side. </p><p>It was again an unrealistic want, but god he wanted it so bad. </p><p>"-and I was thinking maybe I would sign up for...are you listening Yams?"</p><p>He'd only caught the last part of that sentence.</p><p>"Yea- um but could you maybe repeat what you were saying."</p><p>"Always lost in your head huh." Kei chuckled dryly. "I was just talking about some college courses, I haven't gotten any letters back yet but you know."</p><p>Tadashi didn't, he really didn't know. He should have sent applications by now, but he just couldn't force himself to. Tadashi takes Kei's indecision, hoping it can help him conquer his own. He never was quite good at making decisions on his own.</p><p>_________</p><p>The air had gone chilly, the moment had been long gone. Kei was probably at home cooking ramen on his stove or studying his physic notes. </p><p>Tadashi lay awake in bed, staring at the ceiling. When he had come home his mother wasn't there. This time no note was left. He didn't feel like making anything so he went straight to bed.</p><p>Originally he felt exhausted but as soon as his head hit the pillow he was wide awake. So he went through every thought in his head. </p><p>'Maybe he should get a cat, the house would be less lonely'</p><p>'Was his father still alive? Did he ever think about Tadashi?'</p><p>'Tempura sounded really good right now, he should've eaten dinner'</p><p>'Did he had a math test on Monday or not, he couldn't remember'</p><p>'Did Kei always smell good, or was he just biased cause he you know-okay maybe just what cologne did he wear?'</p><p>Eventually he got tired from all of the thinking, eye lids feeling heavier. He slipped into an unconscious state, but not before posing another question. </p><p>'Did he really need Kei more then he thought he did?'</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi this is my first fic on ao3 so feedback would be appreciated!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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